Don't Be Afraid
Q: As I am only a beginner I am starting to fear that without a teacher I may never attain samadhi. When I sit to meditate I cannot relax for fear that I am doing everything wrong. All my instruction has been from books. A: As you mentioned [later in the email], you have had a pattern of fear in your life, and this is undoubtedly affecting your meditation practice. The thing about meditation practice is that it shows you the state of your own mind. It seems as if you have confronted your fearful mind face-to-face, and this can be a very terrifying thing. Try not to worry about "attaining" anything. This trips up more beginners than any other factor. This path, despite what you may read, is not about attainment, as much as the word gets used. It is about realization. Realizing what? What you already possess, your Buddha-nature, the enlightenment which is already a part of you. This means that you may relax and enjoy your practice instead of seeing it as something for which you will be punished if you do not do it properly. Meditative practice is designed to calm the mind; if you worry about it, then the simple act of worrying agitates the mind, which is going directly against the practice, which causes you more worry, which further agitates the mind, and so on and so on and so on.............see how worrying just becomes a self-sustaining spiral? Don't worry about doing anything wrong; just bring your sincerity, effort and patience into practice and simply do it without looking for results.....just let things be. You need to practice what is known as "calm acceptance without comment." Whatever you encounter, simply encounter it, see it for what it is, let it go and return to your practice. Just relax and observe, that's all. Q: I suffer from fear of death, the destruction of the world, and hell as a result of my Christian upbringing. My mood is very difficult to control. I know that once I attain absolute samadhi all that will change. A: These fears are things which are deeply ingrained as a result of your upbringing, which apparently was based in great measure on fear and guilt. As to death and the destruction of the world, remember that all things are impermanent, rising and falling, being born and dying. But when we finally attain realization these things are no longer causes for fear but for great joy and appreciation, as strange as that may sound. I too suffered from these fears at one time, but once I embarked on the path and matured within it, they no longer plagued me. But it takes time, patience and faith. Remember what it says in the Prajna Paramita Heart Sutra: "No hindrance in the mind, no hindrance, therefore no fear." The more you calm the mind, the less hindrances to compassion and wisdom you have, and the less fear will be present. Some day a teacher will appear to help you face-to-face.....the least you can do is make yourself ready to recieve that teacher in whatever form it appears. And again, please just try to relax and enjoy the practice. Contemplate on the serenity of the Buddhas, Bodhisattvas and other enlightened beings and learn the teachings which they gave us from their vantage point of extreme serenity. Remember, you are a Buddha too, so draw on that Buddha-nature to help you. |