Dealing With Anger
Q: I come into contact daily with a person who aggravates me. I try my best to have a calm mind, but sometimes, her comments make me angry. She has a very limited view of the world and is very predjudiced. I am usually successful in calming my mind, but once in a while she angers me. I am outwardly calm, but my mind is in turmoil. Is there anything that I can do or think to myself to calm my mind in these situations? A: Anger and aggravation, as you are no doubt aware, can be very deep-rooted. There are several ways to deal with the situation you are describing. One way is to always remember that people who exhibit prejudiced, uncaring or other undesirable behaviors are, when you get right down to it, suffering beings. If we can attempt to remember that all beings are essentially enlightened, we begin to see those who aggravate us not as "bad" people but as suffering beings who are engaging in unfortunate behavior because of their suffering itself. This causes us to have a more compassionate outlook toward those who may be causing us problems. Instead of being mad at her, try to be compassionate toward her, even if you don't say anything to her in this regard. Treading the Bodhisattva path means that one is constantly exposed to things like this.....but when we take the Bodhisattva Vows to help all sentient beings, we're signing on to be thrown into the front lines, so we may as well do the best we can. Another way to look at it is from the standpoint of personal karma. Things which happen to us happen for a myriad of reasons, therefore the principle of karma, which means "cause and effect." Although this is a very difficult practice, try to see those things which happen to you (both "good" and "bad") as the result of a variety of causes, many of which have to do with your own behavior, either in this life or coming from a previous existence. When something happens to us, it is the end of the cause-and-effect cycle......unless we create more unfortunate karma for ourselves by railing against our circumstances. As I mentioned, it's very difficult to see something bad that happens to us as a cause for celebration, but when we encounter an unfortunate circumstance the bill has, in effect, both come due and been paid. Why start a new account? Yet another way to deal with the feelings that arise when you are in the presence of this person is to simply see your irritation for what it is: irritation and nothing more. In other words, try not to take possession of this manifestation of mental/emotional energy that is arising. You can tell yourself, "This is irritation, but it isn't my irritation." The more we take possession of negative emotions the more power we give them; instead of letting the emotions arise, crest and fade away, we jump in behind them and make them more than they were in the first place. A lot of these energies are simply habitual patterns from this or other lives and are not capable of creating additional karma.....unless, through our deluded perception, we make them our own and end up committing volitional actions which will undoubtedly create more karma. So just feel them arise, observe them, don't take possession of them, and let them go away on their own. |